you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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