Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
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