One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
