We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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