Too much gin, very little bucket
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
