How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Randomize
