the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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