We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
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Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize