it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
My ass is underappreciated
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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