Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
