i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
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