WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
home. puking in laundry basket.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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