Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
