I'm eating all of the evidence.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
