What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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