Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
