your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
