He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
