you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
