She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
