my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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