I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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