Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
