If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Randomize
