The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
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