Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
