if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
