why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize