Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Randomize
