Someone shit on the floor
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
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