these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
