They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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