dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
