I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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