We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
