I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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