Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I touched a dick in church today
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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