3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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