ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
