she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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