Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
