That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I didn't notice because vodka
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Randomize
