I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
