i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Randomize
