I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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