The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
