im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Randomize
