What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
