I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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