Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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