I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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