is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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