dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
