Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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