Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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