another moral hangover. fuck.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
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