I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
