Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
