Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
