You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
