We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
