Walk of Shame. In a state park.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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