I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
