I'm passing your future prison.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
