I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
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