i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
