Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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