Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
