At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
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