she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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