when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
