I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
