I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
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