you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
MIDGETS
????
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
