I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize