I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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