Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
