know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
My breasts were aching with rage.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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