I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
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