So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
