I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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