I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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