Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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