saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
