She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
