He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
